No fruit for you
Why conservative evangelicalism hates outsiders’ joy.
One of the first Bible passages I remember memorizing as a kid was Galatians 5:22-23.
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control; against such things there is no law.”
When I wrote that, I had to google it first, not because I can’t still rattle off the fruits as easily as the days of the week, but because I knew there was some phrase that came after that I couldn’t remember. When I read it, I couldn’t help but give a little snort laugh.
“…against such things there is no law.”
Hm. Seems like most conservative religious folks these days disagree.
From book bans, to bans on gender affirming care, to whispers of overturning gay marriage rights, to bans on drag shows, to legalizing discrimination toward queers in search of cakes1…there are an awful lot of laws being proposed and made against love, joy, peace, kindness, goodness, and gentleness.
Growing up, these fruits were presented to me in two ways (somehow simultaneously): a gift you received as a result of being saved and a standard that must be met to prove that you were saved.
As in, if you’re not loving or joyous or full of peace or patient or kind or good or faithful or gentle or self-controlled enough, well then what are you doing wrong to squash the work of the Holy Spirit in your life? And also as in, anyone who doesn’t believe in Jesus as their Savior can’t really possess any of these things.
After all, the Bible also says “you will know them [the good people and the bad people] by their fruit.”2
Any apparent claim The World had on the good fruits was explained away. No non-believer truly felt joy or peace or love, only a shallow imitation of it.3 Meaning if they said they did, they were either sadly mistaken, or they were straight up lying to you to mask the depression, dread, and loneliness they were actually feeling.
Sound confusing and nonsensical and highly presumptuous? It is. It also creates a shit-ton of hypocrisy.
Are you a Christian experiencing bad things? Don’t worry, it’s either A) a testing of your faith so that you can become “perfect and complete,” B) an opportunity for growth and greater testimony, or C) the favorite of white male evangelicals everywhere: SPIRITUAL WARFARE. At the evangelical church I attended and worked at for several years, the most common response to any difficulty the church or leadership experienced was literally “We must be doing something SO right and the devil is SO intimidated by it that he’s trying to attack us!”
But if you’re a heathen experiencing hardship or difficulty? “That’s what happens when you don’t follow Jesus and are living in sin. God’s giving you an opportunity to repent and turn to him!”
When I first started examining and deconstructing my beliefs, I began to notice the results of this constant comparison,4 this tendency to judge circumstances based on who was experiencing them, and the knee-jerk responses it would spark in me.
I know many kind, loving Christians (and a few churches) whose hearts are truly broken when anyone suffers. Who seek to help anyone who is struggling or who has met rock bottom — without judgment, proselytizing, or obligation — and whose prayers are heartfelt supplications for God to provide peace and comfort. But when a right-wing, conservative Evangelical tweets out thoughts and prayers, that prayer goes something like this: “Oh Lord, let them see this is the consequence of their wicked ways! May this be a wake up call that forces them to repent of their sins and turn to you!”
I know this because, for years, it was me praying the whole “let this draw them closer to you, Lord” prayer.
The problem is that this theory — that God blesses the righteous (as defined by white, western Christianity) and punishes the wicked (as defined by white, western Christianity) — only holds up when the wicked are miserable.
Last weekend, I attended my first Pride Parade. The thing I loved most was seeing so many people be unashamedly themselves. There was an awful lot of joy and love and kindness and goodness going around. There was also a lone protestor with a giant sign proclaiming something along the lines of “repent or burn in hell.”
While I rolled my eyes, I simultaneously felt a pang of sadness for this person.
I’ve been reading a book on burnout that’s, in a surprising turn of events, helping me feel more empathy for folks caught up in evangelicalism’s clutches. In Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, authors Emily and Amelia Nagoski describe three things that help us recover from stress and avoid burnout, the third being meaning:
“Meaning in life is good for you. You make meaning by engaging with something larger than yourself. Whether that’s ambitious goals, service to the divine, or loving relationships. Meaning enhances wellbeing when you’re doing well, and it can save your life when you’re struggling.”
Finding meaning in your faith isn’t a bad thing…unless you’ve decided your particular faith is the only way for anyone to experience true meaning in life.
When that happens, watching the “bad” people bask in the blessings that you thought were reserved for you, that you’ve been told your whole life aren’t possible outside of the rules, roles, and relationships you’ve been taught are “righteous” (and that you’ve been exhausting yourself to fall in line with) is…terrifying.
Because it might cause you to consider whether your faith — that thing you’re relying on for meaning — is built on a throne of lies.
It’s like that moment in Booksmart when Molly and Amy find out the rebels, partyers, and stoner kids also got into Ivy League schools.
Wait, you mean being extra good and following all the rules doesn’t make us special and the reaper of exclusive rewards, and we don’t get to wave those rewards in the slackers’ faces as proof that all the sacrifice and self-flagellation was worth it? We don’t get to say “We told you so”???
And when you come to this realization, you have two options: examine your own faith, dogma, and doctrines…or seek to discredit and silence those causing you (or the followers who keep your bank account flush) to doubt.
So while the people buying into the cries of “indoctrination” and “the gay agenda” might say they’re trying to “protect the children,” the truth is, many of them are just afraid. Afraid of what it might mean to examine why the people who don’t believe what they do are so…happy.
That’s why when you post about how your new tarot practice is helping you release fear, an old church acquaintance you haven’t spoken to in years suddenly appears in your comments to tell you you’re “playing with fire.” It’s why Fox News twists facts to try and say transgender folks seeking to live at peace with their bodies regret transitioning, or that drag queens joyously performing are trying to groom your children. And it’s why pastors are currently cursing the Barbie movie from the pulpit “in the name of the Lord.”5 (Apparently even dolls can’t be happy unless they’re following The Rules.)
Joy? Love? Peace? Meaning? You can’t have that, it’s not for you!
If you’re not following the rules, you’re not allowed to have the fruit. It’s just not possible. It can’t be possible. And we can’t let anyone read a book, watch a movie, or be around an actual human being that portrays otherwise.
In my last post, I said that I’m so tired of bigoted assholes stealing our joy, and that to me, the phrase “choose joy” feels steeped in privilege because feeling joy is incredibly difficult when your basic sense of safety is being stripped away. And I still believe this. However I would add one caveat: I believe joy is still possible, even in a shitty world. But rather than “choosing” joy (which I think oversimplifies things6), perhaps it would be better to encourage all of us to pursue joy. To find it, fight for it, take it back, and hold tightly to it however we can for as long as we can.
To, no matter our chosen faith or non-faith, claim love, joy, peace, kindness, and goodness…not as an exclusive right or command, but as a gift, given by a divine being, or the universe, or from deep within our own souls.
And to hold these things as an act of resistance as we fight to proclaim that against such things there should be no law.
📚 I Keep My Exoskeletons to Myself. Both heartbreaking and hopeful, this novel about a queer mother raising her daughter in a dystopian future where criminals and misfits are given extra shadows is powerful in it’s imagery of rampant injustice. It’s also full of sentences that made we want to weep with how gorgeous they are. Pretty sure I just found my top book of 2023.
❤️ Getting to attend the Powell’s stop of Rachel Lynn Solomon’s book tour for her latest romance novel Business or Pleasure. After reading Rachel’s entire catalog of adult and YA books last year, she’s become an auto-buy for me. Plus I also snagged a signed copy of Kiss Her Once for Me by Alison Cochrun, who was the wonderful emcee for the event.
⚽️ The Women’s World Cup. Do I really need to say more?
🍌 Whole wheat graham cracker banana bread. (And any other recipe that Tieghan Gerard of Half-Baked Harvest creates.)
🎧 Daffodil by Florence + The Machine. Florence has been one of my favorite musical artists for many years. The entire album is incredible, but this track gives me literal chills every single time I hear it.
What’s bringing you joy, peace, love, or goodness right now? (And if simply existing is the greatest act of resistance you can muster, keep it up. I’m glad you’re here. ❤️)
I am young enough to now want a sticker that says “Queer in search of cake,” but old enough that I feel like I need to Urban Dictionary the word “cake” first to make sure I’m not saying something I don’t mean to say. 😂
Matthew 7:15-20. In short, wolves are really good at looking like sheep, so the only way to really identify the wolves is to look at their “fruit,” because a bad tree can’t produce good fruit and a good tree can’t produce bad fruit. The irony is that if you look at what a lot of evangelical churches are producing, it’s real rotten so…
Facilitated, of course, by the devil and all his tools: drugs, sex, and rock-and-roll. It all feels great…UNTIL YOU’RE BURNING IN HELL.
Not just in how I judged others, but in how I judged myself. The implication that separation from God puts one in constant danger of something terrible happening can really do a number on a person’s psyche. As a kid, I was constantly afraid of sinning without realizing it, worried that sin would build up and separate me from God and his blessing and protection. I would pray every night for God to forgive me for any “unknown sin.” And for many years as an adult, I struggled with feeling like God was withholding good things from me because I hadn’t learned some important lesson that would make me worthy and able to handle those good things. Even now, in difficult circumstances I have to fight the thought that God is punishing me for “straying from the fold,” that maybe everything I’ve been told is true and I am now in danger of eternal damnation (despite not even believing in eternal damnation anymore).
Yes, literally.
And let’s be real, it also gives Hobby Lobby decor/white Christian influencer energy.
Church lady meme ... I'm 💀
And seriously, the way the church has misunderstood what it means to follow Jesus is what leads to this crazy paradox. Good trees produce good fruit and the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control ... so when we see this good fruit, isn't it obvious that these folks are indeed following the way of Jesus, the way of love and caring for one's neighbour? Nowhere in the Bible does Jesus say, "Pray this prayer" - the sinner's prayer that the evangelical church puts such stock in. Jesus says "Follow me" and "Do what I say" and has some pretty stern words for people who will say to him, "Lord, Lord, didn't we do [this or that 'Christian' thing] in your name?" (Matthew 7:21-23)
The church is focused on who's in and who's out 🤮, whereas Jesus opens his arms and says, "Come on in, everyone!"
What's bringing me joy right now? Summer get-togethers on my back deck ... my gorgeous pollinator garden, vibrant with echinaceas and gladly visited by butterflies and bees ... the Too Good To Go app, which lets me rescue food that would otherwise go to waste, try new things, and save money, too ...planning our upcoming annual Street Party with my wonderful neighbours ... a wealth of lovely friends!