When you believe nature is divinely designed but the whales are gay

Unruly animals are my favorite.

Mar 03, 2024

So…it’s been a hot minute since I wrote a post. (Hence my description of this substack’s schedule as a “surprise and delight” situation.) But I recently started therapy and during my last session, my therapist looked at me and said, “You have things to say, but you’re not saying them.” After I finished wiping the tears and snot off my face, I decided that I want to try and get back to writing. I have a notes app full of half-formed ideas, but to start things slow, I’m here today with some quick thoughts about a recent scientific headline…

Last week the news broke that scientists have captured the very first images of humpback whales doing the deed. And in a turn of events sure to give FOX News the vapors, the two copulating whales in question…were both male.

Coming across the various 🌈Gay Whales🌈 headlines in my Instagram feed brought me a sudden burst of joy.

You see, growing up, I was taught to view nature as definitive proof of intentional design by a divine creator. I watched many a Moody Bible Institute documentary that explained how the intricacies of the animal kingdom, from the human body to the way woodpeckers’ freakishly long tongues somehow manage to fit inside their tiny skulls1, couldn’t possibly have happened by chance or evolution.

I never questioned this opinion, especially since it was all I learned through my Christian homeschool education. In fact, I became the most adamant little creationist you ever did meet.2 There was no doubt in my mind that nature was governed by the Almighty and that the animal kingdom (aside from humans, of course) acted only on God-given instincts — none of that “survival of the fittest” crap.

Who could have known that while Little Ashley thought things like gay penguins were a ruse to try and undermine the capital T truth, Grown Up Ashley would find them utterly delightful?

Which brings me back to the whales.

Now, before I share titillating news items I always make sure to read further than the headline. And I have to admit, after looking into the details of the scientists’ observations3, this isn’t exactly the gay undersea love story I was hoping for. But even if these whales aren’t the perfect example, there’s still no denying that nature is queer AF — from intersex plants and animals that have both “male” and “female” reproductive organs, to bisexual dolphins, to shrimp that begin life as males but transition to female as they age.4

As a queer human, (another thing Little Ashley would never have imagined), I love how queer nature is. Because I think it’s one of the strongest arguments against Christianity’s homophobic teachings. (And I take particular pleasure in anything that throws a wrench in evangelical theology.) It’s impossible for evangelicals to argue against gay nature without sounding ludicrous or backing themselves into several different corners.

They're not gay animals, they're demons in disguise! Uh-huh. Sure.

This isn't how God created them to behave! It's because we live in a broken, sinful world! So you’re saying animals are changing in response to their environment? Like…evolving?

There's something in the water making them gay! Ah, you believe pollution and/or global warming has affected habitats, causing mutations or something. So you think we should be taking better care of the planet?

No, it's the liberals putting gay chemicals in the water! Aaannd we’re back to ludicrous conspiracy theories.

I can easily imagine these arguments because I myself used to have a gold medal in mental gymnastics, pretzeling my thoughts in order to justify and defend my beliefs. Even when I began to think critically about those beliefs, I still clung to certain tenets, crafting elaborate lines of “logic” to explain why science and the Bible didn’t have to be at odds (“Maybe all these trees and rocks are billions of years old because God created the earth with age!”) or how I could love my gay friends but not “agree with their lifestyle.”

These mental gymnastics are exhausting, but they’re necessary for conservative evangelicalism to survive. There has to be a reason the animals are gay that doesn’t include “God made them that way.” Because American evangelicals in particular must cling to any theory that presents queerness as unnatural or vile in order to dismiss the death of queer people at the hands of Christian theology and Christian nationalist politics and propaganda.5 If other people’s pain is the “consequences of their sin” then you conveniently avoid responsibility for your part in it.

As much as I wish it would, I know the existence of gay whales isn’t going to suddenly turn the conservative tide or cause hardened bigots to rethink their ways. But despite often feeling like America is good and truly fucked (especially in an election year that’s full of deja vu on steroids), I still have hope.

I recently went to see Jimmy Eat World and Fall Out Boy in concert. Between sets, right before Fall Out Boy took the stage, they played two songs over the stadium speakers. The first was Miley Cyrus’s Wrecking Ball. The stadium erupted in singing and even the lighting guys were playing along, raising and lowering the stage lights with the music.

The second song was Fall Out Boy’s own remake of We Didn’t Start the Fire.

There was something viscerally powerful as the stadium once again erupted with people singing along at the top of their lungs. A stadium full of Mellenials, Gen Z and Gen X shouting together.

We didn’t start the fire. It was always burning since the world’s been turning. We didn’t start the fire. No we didn’t light it, but we’re trying to fight it.

The old guard may be disgusted that the whales are gay, but the next generation knows it’s a beautiful thing.

The stuff bringing me healing and joy in the midst of this cultural dumpster fire.

📚 Books, books, and more books (so much so I recently learned my library cuts you off at 20 placed holds 😆). If you want to see what I’ve been reading so far this year, check out my Instagram feed. Some favorites: The Salt Grows Heavy, Mister Magic, The House in the Cerulean Sea, and Beautyland.

🌼 Want more queer science/nature content? Give Pattiegonia and Dykanite a follow.

🕯️ I’m in love with both the scent and the vibes of this Bee Lucia Wellness Co. candle.

🥯 Jalapeño cheddar tuna melts on everything bagels.

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